Posted by: Jaeson D. Rau | May 1, 2017

Would You Take Any Responsibility?

When you take a good look around, it’s actually hard to believe what’s going on right in front of us. I mean really, the government, corporations and military are so corrupt, and so clearly doing the opposite of what they should be. Yet it continues. Yet it becomes worse. How is this even possible?

It has become possible because you believe voting matters.

It has become possible because you believe that there is another human being on this planet that is your enemy.

It has become possible because you allow the people that tell us we have enemies, to tell you that you have an enemy. And you believe them.

It has become possible because our education system in this country does not actually teach you anything about life or the banks or a mortgage or having a fight with your spouse.

It has become possible because you don’t say anything. It has become possible because you want to fit in. And it has become possible because you look at me based on the clothes I’m wearing or the vehicle I’m driving.

It has become possible because you know more about your team or tv show than you know about how our banking system works, or what the federal reserve is and how it works. Or the real reason we have war.

It has become possible because in our society right now as I speak, truth is stranger than fiction.

It continues because each of us thinks that it’s someone else’s responsibility to change.

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Posted by: Jaeson D. Rau | April 30, 2017

Our Nov./16 Trip To Grand Serenis Riviera Maya

I never thought I’d write a blog about a holiday. But since I can’t believe what happened to myself and my wife back in November when we stayed at the Grand Serenis Riviera Maya for a week, I thought now was a good time to start. And yes I said November as it has taken me this long to cool down enough to write a blog that is not biased. Anyway, lets talk about our visit to the Grand Serenis back in Nov. 2016.

At about the 12 hour mark of a long day that included being stuck in an airport, airplane or vehicle I just wanted something to eat, a beer and enjoy the sunshine.

It’s not exactly what I got.

Within 30 seconds of checking in to the grand Serenis Riviera Maya I was already being up sold. You would think that people working at these resorts would know you’re tired and cranky? Anyway, after trying to sell us into a more expensive room I was then informed that the safe in the room was not just available to use, it came with a price. Not only have I never been to an all-inclusive where the room safe was not included, I have never been to a hotel where, if they had a room safe it was an extra charge, ever.

Now that I’m angry about the room safe being an extra charge, I miss my wife being told that Wi-Fi is not included either. And it’s a good thing because had I heard it I probably would’ve gone through the roof.

Finally we get to our room. The first thing I notice is the messy mechanical room which is right outside of our door, unfortunately the door was open. What a disaster in there, and electrical code violations that I still can’t even believe I saw. Within a few feet of water is an open electrical panel. With not so much as a makeshift cover. In Canada the place probably could be shut down for that. I’m now shaking my head for a third time already, or was this the fourth? In less than 45 min. All of a sudden the little things are already piling up.

Finally I actually walk inside our room. As the ceiling fan turns on I can already tell the motor is shot and the fan is out of balance, yet haven’t walked into the main room yet. I look in the bathroom and immediately notice the ceiling is filthy and it’s not put together properly. I then notice the glass door to the toilet offers no privacy at all, and I mean at all. Now I love my wife, but I don’t love her so much that I want to share my bathroom experience with her, nor do I want to share hers with her. More little things making a bigger pile.

By now I’m so mad that all I can think about is emailing my travel agent and freaking out, but not quite mad enough that I actually will. As quickly as I can, I give the bellhop a tip and shoo him out of the room.

I’m tired and hungry and frustrated so we go find food and drink. This makes Jess happy because when I’m fed and watered I behave much better. And she shouldn’t have to deal with me being in a bad mood on holidays.

Upon returning to our room, now in a somewhat better mood, and having let go of the earlier events, I have decided the rest of the holiday is going to be wonderful and I wander over to the desk so that I can plug my iPad in. I went ass-over-teakettle in water and just about landed on my head. (It had been raining and there was now a lake in our room, seeping in through the wall at the desk). As I went to go get a towel, Jess having heard me bitching and complaining about the water went over by the desk to investigate. And as I came out of the bathroom with a towel, I watched her just about land on her bloody head.

I have now had enough. What has happened already in less than 3 hours is unacceptable, unacceptable in a whole week if you ask me. I purchase WI-Fi and jump on my iPad to email my travel agent, the subject line says something like “get us out of here”. (I’m thinking this place must still use dinosaurs to get around because I’ll tell you what, most of us have come to expect that Wi-Fi is available not only at the hotels we stay at, but even businesses like coffee shops).

I am still dumbfounded this place did not include Wi-Fi. Anyway, It was not a good start to the first day, and the only thing that saved this whole experience was the effort made by the concierge to make us comfortable. They should be working somewhere better, they were amazing. The effort was unmeasurable. But they were no match for the resort around them. You can only do with the tools you have.

As an example….

We watched people fall on slippery tile all week. In the same spot day after day. After a few days we started going to sit down with a few drinks and see if we could watch anyone else end up on crutches, like the poor lady on the 2nd day. Yes that sounds sick, but what we wanted to see, was if the resort was going to fix the problem. And the whole week nobody did anything. No sticky tape, nothing gritty……they just left it. Even I just about biffed it, and I knew to be extra careful in that area. They made no effort. It was unbelievable.

The rest of our week was at much the same level. The resort is dirty, filthy in places. Electrical code violations including open electrical boxes within a few feet of a pool. Upkeep was pitiful, so many parts of the resort are in disrepair. The balconies that face the pool our room was near were filthy, you could easily tell they had not been washed in a very long time. The food was OK at best, and the concern of the customer was not high on the priority list. Made for a long week.

We tried, we really did. And a few of the employees made it better. But the overall experience at the Grand Serenis was horrible, it was like nothing I could have expected, especially with the name, and knowing how much my mom enjoyed it about 5 years previous.

I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND you spend your hard earned money on a trip to the Grand Serenis Riviera Maya, I would go somewhere else.

Posted by: Jaeson D. Rau | September 18, 2016

What Colin Kaepernick Is Teaching Us

The title could go on to say “if we would only listen”. You see, when I first found out that Colin Kaepernick wouldn’t stand for the flag during the American national anthem, I immediately thought to myself what an asshole, how dare he do that, it’s a disgrace. It’s already a disgrace that these athletes make so much money when children are going to school hungry every day, now this? And there’s a good chance that you did the same thing, so take a step back, take a breath and think about some of what is going on around you.

I won’t lie, there is some shit happening in Canada (yes I’m Canadian, but I can still have an opinion about standing for my neighbors flag) that is beyond belief, and I’m getting to the point where I don’t feel the same when I see the Canadian flag or when I hear the national anthem. The stupidity of my government is beyond idiocy, and most of my fellow Canadians just accept it.  When I realized that Colin is no different from me, just another guy doing his thing, living his life, and being honest about the way he feels, it made me realize he definitely has a reason too not stand for the American flag. (For those of you that don’t know, Colin Kaepernick is a professional athlete who plays in the NFL and is refusing to stand for the flag because of racial injustice and police brutality in the states.)

Both of these topics finally hit me right in the heart, making me realize there’s a much bigger picture here. Now, besides the racial injustice and police brutality going on in the United States (both being used for profit and control ), let’s look at what these two things are connected too. Because really, these two topics are just the tip of the iceberg  in the states right now. And when you sit down and think about it, these are the things you’re standing for when you stand for the American flag right now. So the first thing Colin has done for me is remind me that everything is connected and I need to remember to look at the whole picture not just certain circumstances.

The American military could very well be the largest terrorist organization on the planet. Let’s be honest, America is nothing but a weapons factory with a list of illegal wars tied to it’s name. And most people nowadays have little doubt that key players in the government and military orchestrated 9/11, and also created the war on terror for profit and control of the population. One thing I have definitely figured out in life is there are two good things that come from war. Profit and Control. They create fear from their illegal wars so that you look to them for safety. Once you become depend on them for safety they can pretty much do whatever they want. And they have accomplished this, at your expense, and mine as well. The war on terror, the war on drugs, and the list goes on. They never realized that we would realize that all these wars are just being waged for profit. So when you stand for the American flag, you stand for illegal wars against other human beings which are set up for profit. And unless you are a part of the 1% in control, the war is against you. And if you can’t see the wars we are in right now are wrong, you are certainly part of the problem. It’s just a no win situation.

Every currency on the planet is compared to the American dollar. And the American dollar is based on the Federal Reserve. I’m not going to get into the Federal Reserve in this blog because it’s too long of a discussion so please do some research yourself. But seriously, how did the Federal Reserve even get created? It is so blatantly wrong in so many ways and when you think about how the Federal Reserve works, it is disgusting. The human being that created the Federal Reserve in his head, does not deserve to stand among us. The Federal Reserve was a set up to enslave every man woman and child within a monetary system that doesn’t even make sense. (JFK made mention of this in a speech he made a short time before he was assassinated). It has no choice but to make a very few very rich and everyone else very poor, everyone, no matter how rich you think you are right now.  I’m not even an American and I’m embarrassed that human beings allowed the Federal Reserve to even come into existence. So, standing for the American flag supports the Federal Reserve. No thanks

The government in the United States is corrupt. It’s not even corrupt in the background anymore. American politicians are now slapping you in the face with how corrupt they are, and you’re still not doing anything about it. Voting does not even matter, years ago it became evident with the whole Bush incident that voting in the states had become rigged. Anyway, the American government (and mine as well) are no longer doing what is good for the country and all of its citizens. Government is doing what is good for government and their own selfish agenda. They have been bought and paid for by the banks and the corporate giants. This in itself is worth taking a knee during the national anthem, to let the government know we are on to them and we are gonna put an end to their bullshit.

Corporate America, what do you even say about this? Greed, consumption, selfishness, I mean it’s just really too much. Your argument is that I’m writing this blog on my iPad so how dare I say anything about Corporate America. But why can’t I have my iPad without Corporate America wanting to control me? The biggest problem of course with corporate America is it’s making the few rich and the many poor. Corporate America also of course fuels the industries that are being used to control people around the world. You could also say that Corporate America has penetrated the health industry, the biggest one being cancer. The reason I mention it of course is because cancer is one of the largest profiting industries on our planet and it doesn’t need to be. Our health has been turned into profit and every step of the way we’ve been used, manipulated and lied to about cancer,those that make the most money from cancer don’t want anybody to know the truth. So standing for the American flag includes corporate America? Again, no thanks

We could go on and talk about oil, energy, and other big industry. And all the other ways we are kept under control. But there’s no point. It’s already very clear that we have come to a point where we have to stand up and ask ourselves what we are standing for. Because it’s all wrong, all of it, and it is all connected. So maybe by getting down on his knee, Colin is standing for something bigger than any of us understand, and also teaching us that we need to think about what we’re standing for. As a Canadian, when I look at the American flag these days, especially in the last week, I’m not seeing much worth standing for. And I think more people need to get down on one knee and together force the government, the banks, and the big corporations to make changes, after all WE are the customers that spend the money. The profit is not worth what we are doing to the planet, nor is it worth what is being done to human beings.

These two things that Colin is standing up for as he is on his knee, racial injustice and police brutality. These two things are precursors to allowing all the other things we talked about today to happen…. How the hell did this even happen? How did people get taught that you are different from someone else because of the color of your skin? How did it get to the point where the police are turning away from being for the people, to being against the people? We judge other human beings because of the color of their skin? How exactly did we get convinced that we need  more tax and another war? The police swear an oath to serve and protect, yet they don’t? And how is it that we only choose our representatives in government rather than voting on the decisions government makes?

None of it makes any sense and were lucky to have men like Colin that are willing to stand up for what they believe in. They teach us to stand up for ourselves and be willing to go against the popular idea of the day. People like Colin remind us that united we stand divided we fall is not just a bunch of useless words. They are the ideology that allow us to make changes, and in our case hopefully get rid of corruption in government and big business. The wars around us are wrong, humans were never meant to kill each other, they were meant to work together, we need to put a stop to the lunatics running the show.

 

 

Posted by: Jaeson D. Rau | August 18, 2016

It’s Not Actually Mother’s Day On Father’s Day

The scariest part of a lie is when something in your life starts off with one. No matter what, when a part of your life begins with a lie, everything after is a disaster. I assure you that I learned that lesson personally, and see the difference in my own life now that events begin with the truth.

As a society we are moving away from the truth, and because of my past I can see it as clear as day. It is no longer about the truth, it is about what we want, what we feel we are entitled too, or what gives us instant gratification. And we will fight to defend what we want with any justification we can find. Be rest assured that you can justify ANYTHING you want.  What will we do as a society that does not tell the truth? No doubt we will continue to move quickly towards the darkest things described in the bible.

This past Father’s Day (2016), there were no shortage of people out there involved in a lie that was outright blatant. It was also outright ignorant and selfish. The lie that I speak of will simply be quoted from two Facebook posts I saw, although there are others.

“Happy Fathers Day To All The Single Moms Out There”

Happy Fathers Day To The Moms Doing It On Their Own”

As a Father, and especially as a Father having been alienated from his Children in the past, I can’t even tell you how insulted I am that people have begun to recognize Mothers on Father’s Day. Not because I have anything against Mothers, but because of how insane it is to think you can recognize someone on a day that is for someone else. The obvious reason for alarm is that Mothers already have a day where they are recognized, but let’s look at a few other reasons.

1) It is a lie. This entire situation starts off as a lie, and we can prove it is a lie because it is also a contradiction in terms. “Happy Father’s Day Mom”. How does that even make sense? You have just recognized someone that is not the correct parent, they are not even the correct gender. The definition of Father’s Day is “A day, usually the third Sunday in June, set aside in honor of Fathers”. This is the simplest answer to the question “What is Father’s Day”?. Which also makes it the truth as the truth is always apparent when you break it down to the simplest answer. As soon as you deviate from that you are lying. Yes of course there are all kinds of situations for different people in the world, I am not disputing that, and I am not trying to take anything away from anyone. I am simply standing up for Father’s Day, and what Father’s Day actually stands for. And Father’s Day is for Fathers. End of story. It is no different than Mother’s Day, Mothers should be recognized on Mother’s Day, and no self respecting man should ever take recognition on that day. The exercise here is to ask yourself, “Am I saying Happy Fathers Day to a Father”? or “Am I saying Happy Mothers Day to a Mother”? There is only a choice between “Yes” or “NO”. Are you willing to do this? Are you willing to be honest or will you justify a situation until you get what makes you feel good?

2) Do you understand the ripple effect your actions have on our society? I want you to consider a six year old child. I want you to consider the confusion a six year old might feel when they see their Mother being recognized on Father’s Day, or their Father on Mother’s Day. To a six year old they don’t see the justification for all this. They don’t know that your ego can justify just about anything to make you feel good for what you are doing, even if it is wrong. All they see is what you are doing. And that is when they learn. I find it odd that we have people saying “Happy Father’s Day Mom”, at the same time in history we all of a sudden have a large number of people saying they don’t know what gender they identify with. Not to mention a large number of youth that clearly live in some sort of insane dream world where reality does not exist. Coincidence? No, I don’t think so. Our actions today are affecting the youth of tomorrow and you can see it. Rather than being the type of adults that support this type of screwed up behavior, shouldn’t we be doing something to prevent it?

3) It is, as I said before, ignorant and selfish. The truth is that Father’s Day recognizes Fathers, not Mothers. as soon as you start saying “Happy Father’s Day” to Mothers, it is no longer Father’s Day. It is now Fathers and Mother’s Day. But it was never meant for that. Sondra Smart Dodd fought for Father’s Day and the first celebration was in 1910, in June, the month of her Fathers birthday. Sondra was adamant that Fathers should be recognized, same as women. However, Father’s Day did not become a holiday until 1966 where in comparison, Mother’s Day was already a holiday in 1914. So for those of you that think I’m being an ass, I’m actually just being honest and following the days the way they were meant to be. They weren’t even started in the same decade, they were never meant to be intertwined. Those of you that recognize a Mother on Father’s Day are taking away part of what makes it special for Fathers and those that recognize a Father on Mother’s Day are taking away what makes Mother’s Day special for Mothers….way to go. Or as Mrs. Brown would say “That’s nice”.

Let’s go even deeper. Maybe some of you think that you are being loving by doing this, but I wonder how you can think love is involved when you started with a lie? And how do you feel when I remind you that by doing this, although you may be making yourself or one other person “happy”, you are hurting millions and helping create a wedge between the sexes, just what the banks and corporations want. As the saying goes “united we stand, divided we fall”, the more divided we are the more we get taken advantage of. So by being ignorant and selfish towards others, you help the corporate monopolies take advantage of us even more. Let me just take a sec and thank you for that.

4) Starting with a lie creates a disaster. I commented on a friends Facebook when she posted a picture wishing Moms Happy Father’s Day. She told me in defense to what I said that she also wishes Fathers a Happy Mother’s Day, let’s make the lie bigger I guess. Anyway, when I said that a man (I actually said man enough, so as to imply someone behaving with respect for others) should have enough respect to not take credit on Mother’s Day, my character was attacked in ways that had nothing to do with the conversation, she even used personal information given in confidence that has no bearing on my life anymore against me. In trying to defend a lie, her ego had to fight back, and in order to justify what she is doing, she had to crush me I guess. Is this how humans are suppose to treat each other? No, of course not. But it does prove that when we try to defend from ego instead of truth and love, humans can become vicious to each other, even people that you have known for some time, not just “Facebook friends”.

4b) While commenting on her post, I made the statements that all of this was “A Lie”, and  “We wonder why kids don’t know what gender they identify with“. Not one person would engage in conversation about that. NOT A DAMN ONE!!!! One lady, a feminist I am guessing even suggested that this is all a “Non-Issue”. We are lying to ourselves and it is a non-issue? We are hurting kids and it is a non-issue? I pray she doesn’t have kids to influence.  Maybe its only me but I get a sense of why nobody wants to talk about the juicy parts……..And I get a sense of why society is falling apart and allowing the banks and corporations to take a strangle hold on us. (But it’s probably a non-issue, LOL. Hows that for Mansplaining? And for your information lady, there are more deadbeat moms out there than dads. Especially the ones that purposely keep the kids away from dad)  If we don’t start having the hard conversations soon we are gonna be in big trouble. Just sayin

We have taken it too far. Our egoic need for recognition and instant gratification is now becoming a liability. If we accept this lie into our society where will we head to? What other lies will we accept as normal? What the hell is wrong with us and just where are we headed? Why won’t most people take a step back and look at what the hell they are doing? It is time to tell the truth again before shit simply falls apart and we hit rock bottom.

Panache Desai says “we must learn to tell ourselves the truth”. And we need to start listening.

 

Posted by: Jaeson D. Rau | March 30, 2016

WHOSE HAND ROCKS THE CRADLE OF ABUSE?

He came to me the other day, and said something to me that forever changes the way I look at divorce. He came to me and said “you know, I realized one day that my ex-wife was wrong. The issues that prevented us from having a co-parenting relationship were not all my fault, she also had a huge part to play in our relationship. And since having realized that, I was able to learn that it goes even further. There are more people involved in a divorce than just the parents. there is extended family, and new family as well. And all of those people play a part in the success of the children involved in that particular divorce. In fact, the extended family and new family alike should be able to help bring things together when there is a communication breakdown between the parents”.

And it was at that moment that I thought of you. And I also thought “he’s right”. And I started dissecting why I thought those two things at precisely the same moment, in the same thought.

As the dissecting began, I realized just how right he is. More than just the parents affect a child’s entire life. Even the way a child’s parent is treated affects the child. And although his family has a part to play in all of this as well, they were alienated from the children and had a much different relationship in this situation than you did. So let’s talk about you today, and your involvement with children that were alienated from their father. We will also see how divorce has become more like a battlefield, nobody really caring whose life gets wrecked.

Shortly after he divorced her, your relationship with him seemed to blossom. You even worked with him for a short while, and for a time he became an important part of your family. Important enough that he occasionally gave up his evening to babysit your children, and important enough that he was a surefire way to get your youngest at the time, to sleep. My point is that children do not go to sleep cuddled up with someone they don’t trust. You made him feel like a part of your family when his whole world had just crumbled around him.

He gave you a job, and an unrealistic amount of money offered for your services. During that time you built up a friendship and had many discussions about what was going on in his divorce. You helped give her a nickname, by which every person that used it, knew it was meant to describe how stupid she was being. The negative impact she was having on her children. I was present on more than one occasion when you openly voiced your disgust at some of the choices she was making, commenting on her lack of common sense. You openly stated that the kids should be with him, that they would do better. For a time you were his support system.

And after some time it would come to pass that you would completely turn his world upside down. You tried to steal from him. You ruined relationships between him and some long-term customers. Some of them still to this day do not talk to him. And other customers you just simply stole. You tore the children away from him that were making it bearable to be without his own. And in a matter of hours you helped push him another step closer to the edge, and you helped kill the relationship, what was left of the relationship, between him and his kids. All these years later and now I wonder what happened that you turned on him like that. Why would you start supporting someone who one week before you spoke down about?

He loved his kids, he wanted to be a father, it nearly killed him that he couldn’t. I watched him get sick. It was gross. Not only did he lose everything he ever worked for, he totally lost his mind as well. Science is now proving that when a mammal is forced out of their child’s life it causes massive depression and anxiety. Maybe that explains the way that he was acting and explains what he ended up going through.

And you knew. You knew he was a good father, it was always shown anyway. His kids always did better when they were with him. I heard more than one hockey coach ask him to make sure his son could be with him “this weekend coming up” because of an important game or tournament. Multiple hockey coaches also said “you can tell when the kids are with dad”. That speaks volumes about the type of father he was. When the kids were with him they slept properly, the bags under their eyes went away. They ate better. They got to school on time. They got groomed. Yet he never got to make parenting decisions for them, and no matter which way he tried to communicate with her, she just wouldn’t give. She even refused to give mediation to try. Refused to even give it a try. Who does that? Did you know that he has taken over nine different courses related to communication, with four being specifically related to divorce? Did you know that he is a certified mediator? He did that in order to try to communicate better with her. I’m not kidding, he actually told me that he was going to become a mediator so that he could learn how to communicate with her better, so that in the long run it would be better for their kids. I could go on for days, that guy put his kids first. But you know that. And you still turned your back.

Those kids ended up not even finishing high school, at a time in history when a teacher gets fired for giving a student a zero, even when that student deserves it. How does that even happen? Neither of you ever thought to say anything? They quit sports. Replaced sports with drugs. You didn’t think to yourself to call him? You didn’t think that you should suggest to her that she get him involved? It’s unbelievable really.

He was lied to, he was lied about, he fought tooth and nail to be a father to his children, he embarrassed himself and humiliated himself in an effort to be a father to his children. And he was beat down the entire way. Topping it off was when, in only two years, over 360 text messages and phone calls were not returned. And then she told him that he was the one that turned his back on his kids. Every step a lie. A justification. A shuffling of context. And in the end it turns out to be a blessing. A blessing that he is grateful for every day. For not having had this experience, he would not be the man that he has become. Nor would he have the amazing partner that he does.

But what about the kids? This blog was supposed to be about the kids. He has 20 years on them, of course he’s going to bounce back. (This is kind of the point) But what about the kids? Their whole lives are ahead of them. They have no tools. And they think that what they have witnessed as they have grown up, is normal. Am I supposed to believe that it’s okay to wreck kids lives in order to make their father look bad? Subconsciously they believe that a child is not supposed to have a relationship with their father. They also have other wonderful things going for them now. Like lying. Justification. Blame. Blames a big one. And so is denial. How do these things help the kids? You are both guilty of child abuse, at least being accomplices of child abuse. Those kids were lied to, they were used for revenge, they were used to make him look like the bad guy. And it’s their lives that are going to take more work to fix now.

It was so blatant, I have a hard time believing you didn’t see it for what it was.

Your interaction is a perfect example of how more people than just parents affect children when they live in a divorced situation. And one day, this type of involvement will come with a criminal record and a visit to jail. Parental Alienation is unacceptable, and it is unacceptable that people who can make a difference stand idly by and do nothing. You knew something was wrong, and the fact that you said nothing makes you guilty. Those kids deserved to have a relationship with their father. Those kids deserved to also learn from their father and you helped take that away.

He was right. And you are guilty.

Posted by: Jaeson D. Rau | November 15, 2015

Why Does It Hurt So Much?

Because it is the truth.
And sometimes the truth hurts.
Especially if you hide from it.
The truth will find you no matter where you are or what you’re doing or who you’re doing it with. It certainly doesn’t care what your attitude is when it does finally catch up with you. And trust me, the truth will find you. It is impossible, physically impossible, to have a reality that is different from what you want to be happening.
And that is why the truth will catch up with you.

You have been taught to lie, mostly to yourself, but it’s lying nonetheless.
You don’t understand this of course, the simple reason is that you’ve been taught it’s okay.
I don’t think it’s okay.
I want you to know another side. I want you to know my opinion.
Not so that I can be right. But so that you see another side of the story, that is all.
I want you to know that I’m very concerned.
I’m supposed to be concerned.

I know you don’t want to see me, I actually wonder if you hate me.
And that’s okay.
You see, when you were younger I worked my ass off. I did everything I could do for you. Let me clarify, I did everything I was capable of based on my level of knowledge at the time. I was constantly striving to learn more, to be a better father.
And you knew it.
When I look back at things that happened, and things you guys said, you can see it. You can clearly see that you guys knew. And we had a relationship that proved it.
Hate, blame and fear took care of that though didn’t it.

One thing I know for sure, is that you’re going to both wake up one day and say to yourself, “holy shit I really need to sit down and talk to my dad”.
The other thing I know, is that it’s going to be a 50-50 chance whether you call or not.
I want you to know ahead of time that I love you.
Not like, “I love you and want you to feel all warm and fuzzy with purple butterflies and pink unicorns”. No, I love you for real. I am your father and I will love you the best way that a father can.
And there’s a good chance that sometimes my love is going to hurt.
I wish I had had that type of father when I was your age.
I wish I had had that type of male role model even for a little while in my life.

Six years boys. I’m almost 45 years old and I’ve really only been alive for the last six years.
You don’t even know me. I’m just getting to know myself.
I bet you don’t even remember why you don’t want to talk to me.
It’s too bad that you chose not to be in my life.
I know it got hard for a while, but if you had stuck it out you would be able to see things for what they have become. Let me tell you it was worth it.
The people that chose to stand by my side and support me and love me get to be a part of that.
I’m glad I can give them this gift. Even though it was at my own expense, almost my own death.
My own children however, do not get to learn anything from what I went through.
What a shame.
You told me that when I was at the courthouse, your mom did not recognize me because I had shaved my goatee off.
Its important that you know the goatee had nothing to do with it.
Your mom did not recognize the person I was becoming.

Since the day I left you guys, the hardest day of my life.
I tried to be a better father to the point where I made myself look foolish, like an idiot actually.
And I made myself crazy in the process of trying to understand what was going on. Trying to understand why my children were caught in a situation that should not even be happening.
Trying to understand how my divorce had a reality, but also a story that made no sense.
I got to see the very worst way human beings can treat each other, and themselves.

Never again will I ever be a part of the drama.
If seeing my children means I have to be a part of the drama, I won’t do it.
You’re too old now, you’ve been programmed how to think, and you got a story well underway.
Unless you make the choice, nothing will ever change.

What has happened should be against the law. It should be a jail-able offense yet it is denied and swept under the carpet.
It is a business all of us decided to buy into.
The children of this society are paying the price for the money made.
It is why fathers are beaten down promptly and swiftly when we get divorced.
So we don’t have the money or the will to fight back.

The reason that the truth hurts so much boys. Is sometimes because the person giving you the information is speaking the truth, and the universe wants you to listen.
This is why my life hurt so much for so many years. Because I wouldn’t listen and I made things difficult for myself.
I did then, what you are doing now.
I took the easy road.
It didn’t turn out to be so easy after-all.

I was blessed with mistake after mistake in my life. But rather than stay stuck in the negativity that just about consumed my life, I turned it around and realized that human beings can only learn and grow when they make mistakes.
I’ve made more mistakes than anybody I know.
I’m a damn sight smarter than I ever thought I’d ever be.
I can see you and I can see your life and I can see where you’re headed. Your a special kind of stupid if you think that your own father can’t see where your life is headed.
And I can tell you how you got to where you are. And I can even tell you how to recognize what people on the outside can see.

A father is suppose to help his children with these things.
But I can’t do that. I can’t help my children. I can’t help my children to become more successful adults.
I won’t be a part of my children’s successes, and I will be blamed for their failures.
How does that happen when I don’t even see them?

Can someone out there explain to me how my life came to be without my 2 boys in it please.
The truth is I no longer have a relationship with my children even though I busted my ass trying to do just that.
And it hurts more than anything has ever hurt in my entire life.
Parental Alienation is real.
The child abuse that goes along with it is real.

It is time that divorced men stand up and do something.
For themselves and all the children, not just their own.

Posted by: Jaeson D. Rau | January 18, 2015

Why Can’t We Just Be Honest?

For the last five years I have been trying to piece my life back together and figure out what the hell is wrong with our society. Through all this hard work I have finally realized the problem is this.

Nobody is honest anymore!

I know this from experience, from living my life-like this for many, many years. They say you can’t tell the truth until you learn to lie, so I guess I’m qualified. Probably over qualified.  I have been through it, and that is more education than you could ever get from any book. And as I move forward in my new life that I love so much, I look out into society and so often see people living exactly where I used to be. Instead of the truth there is justification, blame, and denial.

For years I have been frustrated at how divorce affects everything, and I have been even more frustrated at how children are affected while we deny anything is wrong. I realize now divorce is not the problem, it is society, and it is in everything. Divorce is just a small piece of the larger whole. But ironically, it is my divorce that taught me so.

How?

While dissecting my life so that I could improve it, I learned that my divorce has had the honesty removed to keep a story going. A story that has absolutely no truth to it. Another lesson that the truth will always come out, sometimes in ways we would rather it not. Finally understanding what was going on in my life, I was able to correlate that to how the general population behave, and the similarities scare the hell out of me.

Everything can be broken down into honesty, doesn’t matter what you are talking about. You can justify anything, even with your own spin on it. But at the end of the day there is honesty. And that has nothing to do with your opinion. Honesty, the truth, just is. There’s no way to argue with it. And I think that’s what scares people away from it, people are scared when they don’t get to put their own spin on it. Their own opinion

If you’re not honest about what you’re doing, everything that comes after is a lie and there is just no way to live any kind of decent life if you do that. And I know this because it’s what happened in my life. let’s think about that for a second, and then let’s think about the millions of kids like mine, that have been taught, yes taught, to live their lives lying, living in blame and denial, having a justification for everything, and basically having no clue how to get through life. Are you scared yet? No? Then you should also consider that those millions of kids have no relationship with their father, they are not being taught those important things that a man teaches, and 95% of the time it’s not because the man does not want to. Nowadays, the 95% of fathers that are not teaching their children what a man is supposed to teach their children are not teaching their children because their wife or ex-wife has pushed them away, and turned their children against him. What the fuck is going on? The millions of kids that are being taught how to live like this are going to become adults one day, and they are supposed to be able to run the show? You better be scared.

As a species on this planet that is certainly headed for self-destruction if we do not change our ways, the truth is needed more now than ever, and we can’t wait a day longer. John 8:32 says “and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free”. Maybe we need to listen to what John had to say before we are responsible for the demise of the human species.

Before you walk away from this blog, I want you to consider what would happen if every divorced person on the planet started being honest. Coming from a place of truth, compassion, cooperation and basically doing what is right for their children. Not what their ego thinks is right, but actually being a good parent and doing right by their children. Considering that divorced people are now a majority of the population, and we need less than 10% of the population to create a tipping point whereby we can change things, divorced people could actually change the world.

Society affects divorce, but because everything is connected, divorce can also affect society.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by: Jaeson D. Rau | September 21, 2014

The Frustration Of A Divorced Father

Fathers Aware

Below is a posting I put on Facebook last night, through utter frustration. Although there are no shortage of deadbeat dads out there that deserve to be taken out back to the north 40 and left in a ditch somewhere, there are also dads like me that want to be a father, want to be a part of their children’s lives. We seem to be getting treated as if we are deadbeats also. And I for 1 am getting pushed to my breaking point very quickly.

It is time the system changes! We need to do something because it has become evident that what is going on is not working.

I am lied to, I am lied about, the context of everything I do is twisted around to make me look like a bad guy, especially to my boys (and in the past my immediate family). I own nothing and…

View original post 847 more words

Posted by: Jaeson D. Rau | August 21, 2014

What We Need To Learn From Robin Williams Suicide

I did not know Robin Williams. I did watch a number of the movies he starred in, but truth be told, he was not one of my favorite actors. I don’t think I ever once went out of my way to see any of the movies he was in, although if I had, it would have to be Good Will Hunting, I did actually love that movie. Yet, even though I did not have a connection to Robin as an actor, I sit here very moved and deeply touched over his passing, feeling as though a teammate were now gone. Because, for the last fourteen years I have battled with depression and anxiety. And, although I don’t know exactly what Robin had been through that made him want to take his life. I know what it’s like to want to put an end to the pain. To feel so alone that you can’t hear the people who love you, when they are looking you in the face telling you that they love you so much. To want a break from the walls closing in on you, the voices, the darkness that tries to creep in every now and then………………. I know what it’s like.

And I know what it’s like when people refuse to believe that anything is wrong with you.  I know what it’s like when people say you are a loser and you’re using this as an excuse. And I know what it’s like when even a judge  refuses to consider your situation because there’s nothing to see, nothing physically broken. I know what it’s like to be so tired that getting out of bed to go take a piss is a chore that requires so much mental and physical exertion I can’t describe it with words. To feel so beaten down that when something as simple as your cell phone rings your heart starts beating so fast it feels like it’s going to come out your chest, you can’t breathe and 101 things start going through your mind, 101 things that you would rather not have going through your mind. Because of these things I have been through, I know what it’s like when you finally know in your heart that society is sweeping something under the rug, hoping the problem goes away.

In the past few days I have learned something from Robin that I feel is very profound, and the reason I feel it is so profound is that Robin, by society’s standard was successful, okay actually he was mega successful and would’ve had no reason to take his life. We have been taught that we gauge our success by how much money we have, how famous we are, what letters are behind our name, what kind of vehicle we drive, and a whole host of other material comparisons. And we have been taught that with success comes happiness. If you sit down and think about it, we actually gauge our happiness, and plan our life around how much money we have. So yes, I do believe that by society’s definition Robin Williams should have been happy and leading a near perfect life.

I’m confused because Robin Williams just proved that theory wrong.

In fact, what Robin Williams just did was prove that a wealthy celebrity could not live with himself any longer, even though he was “successful” and should be “happy” by societies standard. Robin Williams just smacked society in the face. Robin Williams, as clear as day, just yelled at us and said “money and success do not make you who you are and do not make you happy”. Robin’s death has not gone unnoticed, just take a look around, people are in shock. Seems no matter where you go on the Internet, even this blog, there’s something to do with Robins passing. People are in absolute disbelief by the millions.

But nobody is talking.

Seems nobody talks anymore.

At least not about anything important.

Major depression is the leading cause of disability for Americans between the ages of 15 and 44, according to the CDC. And the rate of major depression has also more than doubled in only 11 years. We need to change the conversation from “oh my God Robin Williams killed himself”, to, “oh my god  mental illness really is becoming prevalent in our society and maybe we should do something about it”. If we continue ignoring this conversation there is gonna be an awful lot more suffering going on.

We are not living in harmony with this planet or each other. We have gotten completely off track. The banks, corporations and pharmaceutical companies have lied to us and gotten us to believe in a system and a way of life that is absolutely insane. The people we look to for guidance are actually manipulating us. The system we live in is insane, because the people making the rules are insane, and mental illness is becoming a byproduct of that system. The human body is an amazing machine and will always tell you when something is wrong.

Mental illness is the body’s way of saying “You Are Not Living In Harmony With That Which Is Around You”. I can attest to that personally.

Nobody wants to have this conversation because if we start having this conversation it creates many other conversations and I just don’t think people have been ready to have them. It’s time we have them now, and we have to do it whether we like it or not.

What we need to learn from Robin Williams suicide is that money and success are not the most important things like we’ve been taught.

What we need to learn from  Robin Williams suicide is that something is wrong with our way of life on this planet and we need to talk about it.

What we need to learn from Robin Williams suicide is that even though you can’t see or touch mental illness it is real and it will continue tearing families apart until we do something about it.

Men, we especially need to start talking. We have been lied to for so long about how we are supposed to behave that it will take generations for us to make it right, the sooner we start talking the sooner we can fix this shit. Let’s not let Robin Williams suicide be in vain, let’s start talking about mental illness and how it’s affecting our society and why. We definitely need to talk about the why

Just for starters

 

 

 

Posted by: Jaeson D. Rau | June 25, 2014

It Comes From Within

Can you, for just a second, imagine that you are driving down a lonely stretch of highway late at night? The moon is shining bright, you have the window down for some fresh air, and your favorite song is playing on the stereo. Then, for no apparent reason, your vehicle just quits. As you pull over onto the shoulder, you wonder for a minute what could possibly be wrong, but those thoughts are quickly forgotten as you reach for your cell phone to call for roadside assistance. As you sit waiting for the tow truck to arrive, you feel a sense of relief knowing that your vehicle is going to be taken to someone that actually knows how to figure out and fix whatever the problem is.
How often does this happen to people, do you think? I am willing to bet, considering the number of vehicles and drivers on the road, it happens more times every day than we can even comprehend. And when that vehicle breaks down, people do not hesitate to get it in and get it fixed.
This leads me to what I believe is a very important question, why don’t people take care of themselves the way they take care of their vehicles? When your vehicle breaks down, you would never hesitate to get it fixed; yet, when you break down, why do you hesitate to get yourself fixed? Now, you are probably thinking to yourself, ‘But Jaeson, there is nothing wrong with me. Everything is just fine.’
Unfortunately these days, a vast majority of us are broken and we don’t even realize it. Many of us have become disconnected with who we are and do not realize we have the ability to repair ourselves.
But how do we know? How do we know that something is wrong or needs fixing? How do we know that we have become disconnected from our self? Simply put, we can use our feelings to guide us, to let us know where we are at, if we are willing to pay attention. Check yourself for the tell-tale symptoms. Fear, blame, frustration, anxiety, hate, being broke all the time, being fed up or sick and tired; these are all signs that something is not quite right and you need to get yourself checked into the ‘garage’ for a bit of a tune-up. Other major signals, like being very sick or being involved in unhealthy relationships that you can’t seem to get out of, are a sure sign that you have required repair for quite some time.
Once you have accepted there is something wrong, then what? How do you even begin to fix the things that you have possibly done since birth, the things you once thought were normal? How do you change the things that are preventing you from living a life of absolute excellence?

Make a decision

I know all too well about doing the things we do because we think that somehow they are normal. I also know all too well about the things that happen when we decide to ignore the signs that are so desperately trying to let us know that something is wrong and we need to be repaired.
As a young boy, I spent my life in denial of how things really were and I buried myself in lie after lie, somehow believing that the imaginary reality I was creating for myself would one day materialize. Although there were things already coming forth by the age of 10 or 11 that were screaming at me to change what I was doing, I ignored them for nearly another 25 years while things kept getting steadily worse.
By the time I was 14 years old, my parents had been divorced for a few years, and I was very well versed in living completely disconnected from my true purpose. I was living in denial, hoping for something better. Unfortunately, life does not work out so well when you operate that way.
It is said that like attracts like, and by this point in my life, that like attraction was in full swing. I attracted people and circumstances into my life that would change me, and the people around me, forever. I began to ‘rebel’, but not in the traditional sense. It would have been very easy to just rebel against my parents like a regular teenager, but my rebellion was much, much deeper. I was rebelling against myself; rebelling against the gut feeling or intuition that I was simply not living my life on purpose; rebelling in the fact that my life was not going in the direction that it was supposed to be going in. Maybe you, right now, can relate to that feeling?
Although I am, and have always been a good person at heart, ignoring my intuition and carrying on the way I did created an environment that was truly unappealing. Part of me did not want this life, but because part of me was behaving in the way it was, there was no choice in the matter. That is how life works. In time, I was stealing cars, selling and doing drugs, as well as breaking into people’s homes; not what I really wanted to be doing with my life, but because I was unwilling to change what I was thinking and doing, no opportunity could open up for anything better.
Worse than that, though, were the people I attracted into my life. These people were cold and unfeeling. They were truly lacking the fundamentals of empathy, compassion and love; and appeared to have no desire for anything better. It took me until I was in my thirties to realize that the way we think and act attracts the people we have in our lives. Whether they are positive or negative depends entirely on our own state of being.
As I got older, it was harder and harder to remain living my story. There were children from a ruined marriage, there were responsibilities, employees, people that depended on me, but worst of all, there was all this hurt from the past. I wasn’t consciously thinking about it, but it was there, gnawing at me just enough to be uncomfortable; just enough that I couldn’t ignore it.
As I said earlier, I know all too well about the things that happen when we decide to ignore the signs that are so desperately trying to let us know that something is wrong, and we need to be repaired. A massive breakdown, which almost led to suicide, was what it finally took to get me to stop, look, and listen to what was going on in my life. That breakdown was the catalyst I needed to stop the denial; to fully accept that I was not living my life on purpose and that I had needed to make some significant changes for a very long time. That breakdown also gave me the insight to know that who I am is not based on what I have on the outside, but that what I have on the outside is emanating because of who I am on the inside. I also learned that you do not have to have a serious breakdown or contemplate suicide in order to be given the ability to start living your life on purpose and with excellence. All you need is the ability to make a decision. Do you have the ability to make a decision?

It all starts on the inside

In order to move forward, to begin living a life that you can be truly excited and energetic about, you must first look within. It all starts there. You must also understand that there is nothing on the outside that can fix you. There is no pill, no magic elixir, and certainly no amount of money will ever cure the hurt, the emptiness, the distress you are feeling when you pull yourself into the garage for repair. Fortunately, you and I are, in essence, a perfect creation. We have been designed in a way that when something is wrong, it can be fixed. When you cut yourself, your skin heals; when you get sick, the immune system fights the infection. You are capable of healing yourself, and you are certainly capable of changing the way you are feeling on the inside.
What is on the inside will always emanate to the outside; always. In other words, your outer world is always a reflection of your inner world. When you are frustrated, feeling anger, doubt or fear, when you are fed up, these feelings from within you, show up outside of you disguised as poor health, being overweight, feeling tired or depressed, blaming others, feeling as though you never have any luck, hating your job, and the list goes on. These tangible things, these things we can actually see and explain, are the product of the way we feel, think and act. If you have any, or all, of these things happening in your life, maybe it’s time to pull into the garage for a bit of a check-up from the neck up.
We are all aware of the body’s physical ability to heal itself; let’s focus now on the body’s ability to heal the way it feels, and the way it thinks. You can heal the way you feel about your job, your weight, your marriage, your piling debt, by simply making a decision. You can decide that you will stop the insanity, stop blaming other people for how things are, take responsibility for where you are and allow yourself to start living your life on purpose.
There is a catch, though. Once you have taken a look inside and decided that it is time to live on purpose, there is a lot of work to do. The information I am giving you here is only enough to get started, but if you keep at it, you will find that the information that is best suited for you and your situation will come to you, as required. You will find that by simply starting a new path in your life, you will attract the people, the literature, the circumstances, and the teachers you will need to catapult yourself forward; the biggest challenge is just making a decision, then getting started with one thing.

Let go and make room

So what comes next? If you have acknowledged and accepted that there is something that needs fixing, then instead of actually starting to fix it, let go of it. Yes, you heard right; just let go of it. I know it doesn’t sound like much of a step in the overall process of changing your life, but actually it is a monumental step. Through this process, you get to let go of the things that you carry around like dead weight, those things that really hold you back. When you let go of this extraneous stuff, not only are you making room for a new story, a positive story, but it makes everything feel so much lighter. You will find that almost immediately your attitude will change and your energy levels will noticeably increase. I could go on and on about how to let go, but for this article I will simply say this. You will begin to let go when you are able to say thank you for each and every situation that comes into your experience. Allow thanks for the gift of learning, no matter how tough it seems at the time. Remember, these times of struggle will not last forever.
I found that when I let go of the anger, the hostility, the need to be right, I had the energy and the desire to continue moving forward. This, in turn, led me to my best lesson yet, to stop blaming others. When I stopped blaming other people for where I was and what had happened to me in the past, things really seemed to fall into place. With all this space, what I finally found was peace and quiet. Not only did I find this in myself, but it is invariably something my coaching clients and workshop participants notice about me as well.
You will find that once you have some peace and quiet, you can actually take time each day to create what it is you want to feel in your life; you are able to start making changes. Even if they are small changes, and even if they seem insignificant at the time, just know that each one adds its part to the overall picture.
Can you feel it? Can you feel what it is like to have some peace and quiet? Just take a minute right now, put the book down and just focus on your breath. Remember to breathe deep, inhale slowly and exhale slowly. You can come back to this space in a couple of minutes.
It feels good doesn’t it, to have a bit of a break from your story. What is amazing is that the two minutes you just spent being quiet will probably change the way the rest of your day unfolds. Essentially, these are the moments that you will require to start creating a new script for yourself. At first, you may feel guilty, even upset that you are just sitting still being quiet. After all, there are so many more “important” things to be doing; things that you have probably done all your life; things that have never served to put you in a positive frame of mind in the first place; things that draw you away from the feelings of peace and quiet. I understand how this all works. I, too, have been there.
Don’t let this guilt last long, though. You will soon find that when you allow yourself time to be quiet, things get done quicker and with less effort, people around you become easier to get along with, and generally things just go smoother. Ironically, you have extra time now. Allow yourself the quiet time with no strings attached. You will find that as time goes on, it gets easier being quiet each day. You will find that stuff gets done and the guilt slowly disappears.
Let’s backtrack here just for a second and really drive home how important this step is in beginning to live your life on purpose; important because this exercise may not seem to produce any tangible results. We don’t see anything materialize as we are sitting there. You need to understand up front, that you will not walk away from sitting quietly with extra money in your pocket, a new car or a great relationship. The quiet, though, will give you the ability to see a way in creating extra money in your pocket, a new car, or a great relationship; possibly all at the same time.

Just breathe

So let me offer up a simple visualization exercise that has helped me transform my life from constant pain and anger, to one of peace and love. I believe that this is a great exercise; it takes no real effort, you will not need any help and it can be done any time of the day or night.
While you are sitting somewhere comfy, with no distractions, focus for a few minutes on your breath, allowing your mind to go still. In today’s fast-paced world, the importance of breathing has been forgotten about, most likely because breathing is something the body just does in order to stay alive. Breathing could be described as something your body does on auto-pilot. Being aware of your breath allows you to be present; it allows you to take a break from the drama and chaos and allows you to become creative.
When you feel relaxed, imagine the part of your life you want to change in as vivid detail as possible. Imagine this part of your life the way you actually want it to be, and just enjoy it for a minute. And then, try and capture the feeling of what the image is emanating. If you are imagining happy times with your spouse, what does that feel like? What will that situation do to how you feel? Do you have butterflies? Maybe you are excited or overcome with emotion. Get into the feeling, the part of this experience you can’t see. Once the feeling is inside of you, and it becomes a part of you, it will emanate out and show up in ways that are more tangible. You will have to work at this every day for some time, but it is truly worth it. I have been practicing this exercise now for a few years and I can honestly tell you that I am absolutely amazed at the things happening in my life. Sometimes I wish it hadn’t taken so long to discover this process, but it is so worth the wait.

Watch your daily intake

The next thing I want to offer to you is simply this; begin keeping track of what is going into your body. Become aware of what is going into your body whether it is through the eyes, ears, or mouth. Every single thing that enters the body affects how it is working, which in turn, ends up contributing to the way you are feeling and the success you are experiencing.
It is truly amazing the number of things people do on a daily basis that tend to promote negative results. Turning negativity around, at first, might seem like a bit of work. That is to be expected; after all, it is the harder thing to do. What are you eating and drinking? What are you watching on TV, and exactly how much TV are you watching in a day? What kind of music are you listening to?
Change whatever is producing negative results to something that will help you feel more positive. Keep track of what you are changing, in whatever way works best for you, and monitor the positive changes taking place. When I first started doing this, I kept a journal. I would keep track of what time I got out of bed, how I felt, what I was eating for breakfast, what I accomplished with work that day; just to name a few examples. I found it very easy to see where I needed to do some work and was able to really focus my attention to make some very significant changes in my life. In only a few short years, my whole life was turned around. With awareness and focused attention, you can most certainly do the same.
So look after the vehicle that is your body. With these few simple tune-up procedures, and with continuous care and maintenance, your journey on the road of life can be smooth, effortless and incredibly enjoyable. Relax and enjoy the ride!

 

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